2026-07-17Dear Old Self

Dear Old Self

A confrontational letter that turns masked fear into a map back to the present.

TO DEAR OLD SELF

• • •
Me

Got something for ya🙃

Do you know how you hate emotions…

Me
uuuhhhh. Go on…
Me

BY WRITING YOU CAN FINALLY FEEL ALL THOSE EMOTIONS YOU FLED.🙃

Me
ehe…
Me

INTELLECTUALIZE EVERYTHING.

THE CONSTANT BATTLES YOU FIGHT EVEN BEFORE YOU PUT YOUR LEGS ON THE COLD CRUEL FLOOR EARLY IN THE GOD-DAMN MORNING.

THE NIGHTMARE YOU BATTLE IN YOUR SLEEP AND THE MONSTERS YOU FACE WHEN YOU START TO LOSE SLEEP.

Me
Jameni
Me

THE BEHEMOTH THAT STARES RIGHT INTO YOUR LOST EYES JUST WHEN YOU GET TO SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.

NO.

RIGHT STARES DEEP INTO YOUR VERY HEART AND SOUL.

Me
Yooh
Why the caps though
I know. I know.
Me

OTHER TIMES IT SCREAMS LOUD ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU REALISE THIS IS YOUR PRESENT REALITY.

LOCKED INSIDE THIS CAGE CALLED REALITY.
SOMETIMES IT WHISPERS SO ONLY YOU CAN HEAR IT.
MOSTLY IT LAUGHS TO YOUR FACE!!!
Me
Stop
PLEASE STOP!!
Monster

OOH THE BOY CAN DREAM.

Behemoth

A BETTER FUTURE!!🙃

Nightmare

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?

TO CHASE AFTER A LIFE!

Behemoth

TO LOOK FOR WHAT HE WANTS.

Nightmare

WHAT THE HELL DOES HE EVEN WANT?

Me
To be.
To be seen!
Monster

HE IS CRAZY RIGHT?

Behemoth

HE WANTS SOMEONE TO FINALLY SEE HIM.

Me
NO MORE MASKS.
Nightmare

ISN’T HE THE SAME GUY THAT WAKES UP AND CHOOSES WHAT MASKS SUITS THE DAY.

“IS IT THE BLUE ONE THAT I LOVE, THE RED THAT HELPS ME FOCUS.”

Monster

HE TREASURES THEM AND CLEANS THEM EVERYDAY.

Behemoth

MAKES SURE THEY ARE NOT STOLEN AND TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM.

Me
MOSTLY THEY ALL GATHER AND ATTACK IN UNISON.
Me
THE NIGHTMARE, THE MONSTER AND THE BEHEMOTH.
Behemoth

WHY NOT?

THIS IS SO BLOODY FUN.

Monster

DID YOU SEE HIS FACE WHEN WE AMBUSHED HIM.

Nightmare

HE WAKES UP SHOCKED AND SURPRISED AS THOUGH HE IS NOT ACCUSTOMED TO OUR DAILY VISITS.

Monster

OOH WOW. THIS JUST MAKES OUR DAY.

HAVE YOU SEEN HOW HE QUICKLY TAKES ON HIS MASK FROM HIS CLOSET.

Nightmare

HE THINKS THAT THEN WE CAN NOT RECOGNISE HIM LIKE ALL THOSE PEOPLE.

Behemoth

HOW FUNNY IT IS.

Monster

WE GAVE HIM ALL THOSE MASKS SO THAT HE CAN FEEL A SENSE OF SAFETY

Nightmare

AND WE CAN HAVE THIS FUN DAILY.

Monster

OOH WOW. DAMN

Me
EMOTIONS ARE NOT FOR ME.
HELL NO.
I CHOOSE TO MAKE SENSE OF THIS BROKEN WORLD OF MINE.

INTELLECT BECAME THE LENS THROUGH WHICH I AVOID MY EMOTIONS (THAT I COINCIDENTALLY AND SUPPOSEDLY HAD TO DEAL WITH).

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO TO BOTH KNOW AND FEEL THAT YOU CANNOT HAVE WHAT YOU WANT

IT IS NOT FOR SELFISH GAIN.
OR IS THAT WHAT I WANT TO CONVINCE MYSELF?
Me

BUT WE BOTH KNOW THAT IS YOUR BIG WEAKNESS!!

THE GREATEST FLAW.
Me
LYING TO MYSELF?
Me

TO TRY AND CONVINCE YOU THAT MAYBE IT WILL BE OK.

Me
SOMEDAY, RIGHT?
RIGHT!!!
SOMEBODY.
ANYBODY.
NO ONE.
YEAH I KNOW.
AN OPEN MIND BUT TO A KNOWN REALITY. WHAT GOOD IS IT?
AND NO.
• • •
Me

A REALISTIC PERSON.

THEY SAY
Me
THAT MEANS I CHOOSE TO SEE THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE.
NOT WHAT I WANT IT TO BE.
THERE IS A PLACE AND A TIME FOR THAT FANTASY WORLD.
NOT HERE AND ABSOLUTELY NOT NOW!
• • •
Me
I MAY BE WRONG.
OPEN TO UNDERSTANDING AND SEEKING WISDOM.
Me

ALRIGHT.

• • •

Monster was removed

Nightmare was removed

Behemoth was removed

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